I am pretty sure my lecturers this year are trying to kill us. Saw three people cry in the exam hall on Saturday, and at least 5 walked out after 30 minutes. Now I know why so many people repeated last year. And today, this guy beside me just gave up halfway through. I had to mouth to him to just write something.
These are possibly the worst exams I've taken and I've never been so tired! But bright side, I only have 2 more papers left and I will be back! Plus there's a Europe trip waiting for me. Wheeeeeeee :D
Hope everyone is well and healthy! I will "see" you very soon :) xx
Instagram (hawtvintage)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Flightful.
Hello my babiez! Flying back to Canters tomorrow and you know me, the flight is never one I'm looking forward to. Good news is, I'll be back right after my exams (!@#$%^) and my Europe trip (yay!). Plus I'm jam-packed with pills, so my health will definitely be in control.
Sweet ol' Jehki has offered to ride with me back to Canters and then return to London :D
I reaaaaaaaaaally hope my exams go well. In the meantime, wait for me to be back with pictures from my Europe trip (Paris! Rome! Venice!) after the nightmare's over. Maybe I'll throw in some hot European guys too. Hahah. Thank you to those who have stuck with me/my blog and sent me really nice messages. I loooooove you gaise *BIG WET KISS* xx
Sweet ol' Jehki has offered to ride with me back to Canters and then return to London :D
I reaaaaaaaaaally hope my exams go well. In the meantime, wait for me to be back with pictures from my Europe trip (Paris! Rome! Venice!) after the nightmare's over. Maybe I'll throw in some hot European guys too. Hahah. Thank you to those who have stuck with me/my blog and sent me really nice messages. I loooooove you gaise *BIG WET KISS* xx
Sunday, April 21, 2013
I braved a hundred storms to leave you.
Maybe I need to stop running to have enough time for real goodbyes.
xx
xx
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Runner.
I run now. I'm a runner. I no longer stand my ground, no longer stay and fight.
x said,
"Maybe it's just not worth fighting for?"
And that's frightening, because does that mean I have nothing and nobody worthy in my life anymore?
Past month has been rough. I was constantly struggling with my health, whilst trying to juggle my studies as well as personal relationships. I still am. Don't think I've felt so tired in a long time.
Health- My body has dealt me some serious crap. Two weeks ago, every moment I was conscious was threatened by the fact that I might just pass out on the streets. And every night/morning I go to sleep, J was afraid I wouldn't wake up. I saw doctor after doctor, and no one could help me, until I had no choice but to fly back home. I was scared and exhausted, but had to play it down because people like my mum would freak the hell out. And probably Divya too, haha. I've since been diagnosed, am put on a course of treatment, and will have to make some adjustments to my life. Still scared out of my wits but fingers crossed for the best.
Studies- Same ol', same ol'. Essays. Revision. Exams. I just need to plow through second year and I hear third year will be better.
Friendships- People play you out on plans that were long set. People turn against you like coyotes aiming for your throat. People take advantage of what you give them and just take and take. And these are my closest friends, dishing me one disappointment after another. Fair enough, they apologize after, but it just gets so taxing when you are dealing with so much altogether.
// Despite everything and everyone, J was always my pillar. While everything was in a whirl and a mess, he tried his best to be constant and unchanging. And I really appreciate it :') I never have to weigh the truth in his words, because he's pure and kind and strong, and just...good. Did I mention...HE WENT TO A GYNECOLOGIST ALONE FOR ME!? He basically stepped into a clinic full of pregnant ladies and asked for an appointment to see the doctor so that he can get medication for me. And on the day of my flight back, he surprised me at the airport because he didn't want me to fly back alone. This boy is just amazing T_T
But anyway, like I said, I'm a runner now. I usually enjoy a good fight but I think all these have taken a toll on me. A friend attacked me via whatsapp the other day and I just quit the conversation even though I had truckloads to say. And instead of growing some balls to tell my friends what I have been going through, I just pulled myself away from any means that they could contact me. Back at home for a while now, and I still haven't mustered the courage to meet anybody. Please call me Wimp Li.
xx
x said,
"Maybe it's just not worth fighting for?"
And that's frightening, because does that mean I have nothing and nobody worthy in my life anymore?
Past month has been rough. I was constantly struggling with my health, whilst trying to juggle my studies as well as personal relationships. I still am. Don't think I've felt so tired in a long time.
Health- My body has dealt me some serious crap. Two weeks ago, every moment I was conscious was threatened by the fact that I might just pass out on the streets. And every night/morning I go to sleep, J was afraid I wouldn't wake up. I saw doctor after doctor, and no one could help me, until I had no choice but to fly back home. I was scared and exhausted, but had to play it down because people like my mum would freak the hell out. And probably Divya too, haha. I've since been diagnosed, am put on a course of treatment, and will have to make some adjustments to my life. Still scared out of my wits but fingers crossed for the best.
Studies- Same ol', same ol'. Essays. Revision. Exams. I just need to plow through second year and I hear third year will be better.
Friendships- People play you out on plans that were long set. People turn against you like coyotes aiming for your throat. People take advantage of what you give them and just take and take. And these are my closest friends, dishing me one disappointment after another. Fair enough, they apologize after, but it just gets so taxing when you are dealing with so much altogether.
// Despite everything and everyone, J was always my pillar. While everything was in a whirl and a mess, he tried his best to be constant and unchanging. And I really appreciate it :') I never have to weigh the truth in his words, because he's pure and kind and strong, and just...good. Did I mention...HE WENT TO A GYNECOLOGIST ALONE FOR ME!? He basically stepped into a clinic full of pregnant ladies and asked for an appointment to see the doctor so that he can get medication for me. And on the day of my flight back, he surprised me at the airport because he didn't want me to fly back alone. This boy is just amazing T_T
But anyway, like I said, I'm a runner now. I usually enjoy a good fight but I think all these have taken a toll on me. A friend attacked me via whatsapp the other day and I just quit the conversation even though I had truckloads to say. And instead of growing some balls to tell my friends what I have been going through, I just pulled myself away from any means that they could contact me. Back at home for a while now, and I still haven't mustered the courage to meet anybody. Please call me Wimp Li.
xx
Monday, January 28, 2013
London Calling.
Divya and I popped down to London on Friday and basically just visited as many touristy places as we could squeeze in a day. It was pretty chilly but that also means less people on the streets and less weaving through the crowds for us. Even the underground tube was relatively un-busy. Score!!
Because we have a food-orientated friendship, our first stop was Borough Market - one of the largest food markets in London.
Poultry and Game stall, with corpses hanging over everyone's head. To quote Div, "CHARMING!" (imagine it being said in a thick British accent). Hahaha.
Essentially my lunch - Duck Confit Sandwich, with a crispy baguette drenched in vinegar and olive oil. This was orgasmic, 'nuff said.
These are cookies the size of your face.
Meringue tower.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present you the best brownie I have ever tasted. It's about 4cm thick and when you take your first bite, it just turns into the fluffiest brown cloud. So moist and so chocolatey. I bought two more back to Canterbury so that I can delay the withdrawal symptoms. Down to the last one in my fridge NOOOOOOOOOOOO~
Borough Market
Delicious food aside, we tubed down to the National Science Museum because according to the website, it's meant to be really cool and it's free!!
There was a Cockroach Tour going on and I think it's a service provided by the museum. Basically, you dress up as a cockroach and you follow your cockroach leader around while he introduces every part of the museum. Looked like so much fun! People in the costumes did not look amused though, haha.
Best part of the museum has to be the Web Lab that is run by Google. You are given a lab card at the start and you just go around different stations, slot in your lab card and explore the endless possibilities of the internet. Whatever you do in the lab will be recorded into your card so that you can check back and reminisce at home. Plus, we met and spoke to Sam from Glee in this lab so...bonus!
My favorite was the Sketchbots. They take a picture of you and sketch in on sand.
That's me, with a ginormous nose :(
And that's Divya!
Science Museum
Address: Exhibition Road, South Kensington, London SW7 2DD (within walking distance from South Kensington station)
Hours: 10am - 6pm every day
Headed for dinner after, at Gold Mine.
It's not easy finding decent Chinese food in England, but Gold Mine is always my go-to place when I'm in London. We paid around 15pounds each. Not wallet-friendly, but it was really satisfying :) It's almost always packed, so make a reservation if there are more than four of you!
Gold Mine
Address: 102 Queensway, London W2 3RR (within walking distance from Bayswater and Queensway stations)
Phone: 020 7792 8331
Hours: 12-11pm everyday
Cheeky us did a little shopping at Westfield after dinner. Had a really fun day, met a few creepers and weirdos, and bought soooooo much stuff. I might do a little haul post soon, so check back!
And if you haven't noticed by now (shame on you), I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF! My boob-length hair is now shoulder-length, the shortest it has been since I was 10. And I'm contemplating going even shorter. Hmmm, we'll see! xx
Because we have a food-orientated friendship, our first stop was Borough Market - one of the largest food markets in London.
Borough Market
Address: 8 Southwark St, London SE1 1TL (within walking distance from London Bridge station)
Hours: Mon-Wed (10am-3pm), Thur (11am-5pm), Fri (12-6pm), Sat (8am-5pm)Delicious food aside, we tubed down to the National Science Museum because according to the website, it's meant to be really cool and it's free!!
Best part of the museum has to be the Web Lab that is run by Google. You are given a lab card at the start and you just go around different stations, slot in your lab card and explore the endless possibilities of the internet. Whatever you do in the lab will be recorded into your card so that you can check back and reminisce at home. Plus, we met and spoke to Sam from Glee in this lab so...bonus!
My favorite was the Sketchbots. They take a picture of you and sketch in on sand.
Science Museum
Address: Exhibition Road, South Kensington, London SW7 2DD (within walking distance from South Kensington station)
Hours: 10am - 6pm every day
Headed for dinner after, at Gold Mine.
Gold Mine
Address: 102 Queensway, London W2 3RR (within walking distance from Bayswater and Queensway stations)
Phone: 020 7792 8331
Hours: 12-11pm everyday
Cheeky us did a little shopping at Westfield after dinner. Had a really fun day, met a few creepers and weirdos, and bought soooooo much stuff. I might do a little haul post soon, so check back!
And if you haven't noticed by now (shame on you), I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF! My boob-length hair is now shoulder-length, the shortest it has been since I was 10. And I'm contemplating going even shorter. Hmmm, we'll see! xx
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Pink Spartans.
A lot has been going on at home for the past month or so.
Mama J found white spots on her breast a few months ago and the doctor confirmed they contained cancer cells. She went through two surgeries to try to remove them but there were always more - like specks of salt and pepper - so her surgeon suggested a final surgery to remove her entire breast. If you are a woman, you can probably imagine how she was feeling. And if you are a man, just imagine having your balls removed.
I flew home just a day before she was admitted into the hospital for her third operation, leaving behind my exams and assignments. Thank God my uni advisor was really understanding and supportive, helping me with all the paperwork to excuse my attendance for the exam and extend my essay deadlines.
For about a week, I slept over in the hospital ward with Mama J. I sat by her while she cried, because she was afraid of going for the surgery. I held her hand while they wheeled her into the operating theatre. I heard her croak her first words when she woke up after the surgery. I memorized her wince of pain, every time she would move her body, even in the slightest. I received blows of her tantrums that stemmed from pain and discomfort. I smelled the food she had absolutely no appetite for. And I saw how she would deliberately avoid looking at the wounds from the surgery.
Every single day, I was there...but I wasn't there. While I could pick up her phone calls for her, feed her water from a straw, and hold her as she tries to stand up, I never felt like I have done enough. I can never do enough for my mum, especially when I know the part she needs the most fixing, is her heart. Mama J is the strongest woman I know, but this battle has depleted her confidence and will. I know it's gonna be a long road to recovery. Her wounds will heal, her scars will lighten, and I can only hope that Mama J will be Mama J again eventually.
I'm not the first person going through something like this, and I know I won't be the last. If you are (or know of anyone who is) a girl/woman, please go for regular check-ups. It doesn't cost much to just get a mammogram at a government clinic. The good thing about my mum's case is that it was found out early, before the cancer cells had a chance to spread. Also, guys get breast cancer too.
Mama J found white spots on her breast a few months ago and the doctor confirmed they contained cancer cells. She went through two surgeries to try to remove them but there were always more - like specks of salt and pepper - so her surgeon suggested a final surgery to remove her entire breast. If you are a woman, you can probably imagine how she was feeling. And if you are a man, just imagine having your balls removed.
I flew home just a day before she was admitted into the hospital for her third operation, leaving behind my exams and assignments. Thank God my uni advisor was really understanding and supportive, helping me with all the paperwork to excuse my attendance for the exam and extend my essay deadlines.
For about a week, I slept over in the hospital ward with Mama J. I sat by her while she cried, because she was afraid of going for the surgery. I held her hand while they wheeled her into the operating theatre. I heard her croak her first words when she woke up after the surgery. I memorized her wince of pain, every time she would move her body, even in the slightest. I received blows of her tantrums that stemmed from pain and discomfort. I smelled the food she had absolutely no appetite for. And I saw how she would deliberately avoid looking at the wounds from the surgery.
Every single day, I was there...but I wasn't there. While I could pick up her phone calls for her, feed her water from a straw, and hold her as she tries to stand up, I never felt like I have done enough. I can never do enough for my mum, especially when I know the part she needs the most fixing, is her heart. Mama J is the strongest woman I know, but this battle has depleted her confidence and will. I know it's gonna be a long road to recovery. Her wounds will heal, her scars will lighten, and I can only hope that Mama J will be Mama J again eventually.
I'm not the first person going through something like this, and I know I won't be the last. If you are (or know of anyone who is) a girl/woman, please go for regular check-ups. It doesn't cost much to just get a mammogram at a government clinic. The good thing about my mum's case is that it was found out early, before the cancer cells had a chance to spread. Also, guys get breast cancer too.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Happy Frienniversary.
Basically, for a whole month and more, I've been an MIA girlfriend. Jehki and I kept making plans for me to train down to London but I always put it off for uni work. We still talk everyday and our daily phone calls are like chicken soup for my soul, but I think he decided enough was enough, and made a spontaneous trip down to Canters.
J's visit was short, but he made it count. We drove down to Dartford and back, he saw my flat and loved it, and told me at the end of the night that, without my knowledge, we celebrated our 'Frienniversary'.
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I'm a sucker for handwritten letters. If you remember, it was a letter than brought us together two years ago as well.
I cannot believe we've known each other for 8 years. And of course, being the boy that I am, I don't even remember the exact date we met. I thank God too, for you. And thank you, for everything you've done for me. Somehow, I always see your effort radiating in your every gesture and it still surprises me that a person can care and love as much as you do. Your heart is enormous and I'm thankful I can own a part of it. You know all the thoughts that cross my mind and most importantly, you know just the right things to say. I'm a bundle of mess, with my insecurities and skepticism, but you remind me every night that you will accept every inch of that.
"Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul."
I think I found that someone. I love you so much and please remember even if I don't say it, that I am grateful for the things you do.
Happy Frienniversary xx
J's visit was short, but he made it count. We drove down to Dartford and back, he saw my flat and loved it, and told me at the end of the night that, without my knowledge, we celebrated our 'Frienniversary'.
I'm a sucker for handwritten letters. If you remember, it was a letter than brought us together two years ago as well.
I cannot believe we've known each other for 8 years. And of course, being the boy that I am, I don't even remember the exact date we met. I thank God too, for you. And thank you, for everything you've done for me. Somehow, I always see your effort radiating in your every gesture and it still surprises me that a person can care and love as much as you do. Your heart is enormous and I'm thankful I can own a part of it. You know all the thoughts that cross my mind and most importantly, you know just the right things to say. I'm a bundle of mess, with my insecurities and skepticism, but you remind me every night that you will accept every inch of that.
"Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul."
I think I found that someone. I love you so much and please remember even if I don't say it, that I am grateful for the things you do.
Happy Frienniversary xx
Saturday, November 3, 2012
In the middle of my little mess.
I've done so much moving in the past few years, it's kind of getting to me. From my mum's place to my dad's place, from my dad's place to England, and now, from my uni room in Kemsdale to a new flat in Shaftesbury. I'm like a hobo! But anyway, I love my new room and I'm so excited to show everyone :D
I think I deserve a medal for cleaning this place up! Haha.
(/edit/: hahahahaha, kind reader just told me that I messed up the 'before' and 'after'. Oh well, you know what I mean. Bet none of you caught that anyway! Thanks Chia Hui!)
My room was converted from a living room, which explains the sofa.
That's my baby Ebo in the corner :)
Basically my beauty corner, with all my make-up, skincare, footspa and hair products.
I think I deserve a medal for cleaning this place up! Haha.(/edit/: hahahahaha, kind reader just told me that I messed up the 'before' and 'after'. Oh well, you know what I mean. Bet none of you caught that anyway! Thanks Chia Hui!)
So that's my room, and if you're wondering, my current flatmates are Divya (who you should know) and Laura. It's so weird because Laura used to follow my blog/formspring; that's how we got to know each other and now we are living together!! Couldn't have asked for better flatmates :)
I'm slowly getting back into this blogging routine so keep checking back xxx
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I'm aliveeeeeeee!!!!
I know I know I know...Lazy me through and through. Don't abandon me just yet, because I only need to get this essay out of the way and I will be back!
So anyway, being back at uni after a 3 months' break is pretty weird, especially since I am in a new house with (kind of) new housemates. I adjusted pretty well though, very proud of myself. Don't feel homesick at all, which is good. I cannot wait to show you how my room looks like!!! It's massive and I love it so much.
And if you are wondering about Jehki and I (that's always the first thing people ask about), we are very very good. I am learning how to be a total cheeseballs girlfriend (not my style at all), and he has been very supportive of everything I do. He's still sending me care packages from time to time, and trying to make time for me. I absolutely love how things are between us right now and hopefully it will stay like this for a while :)
Love you guys for not forgetting about me! xxxxx
Thursday, September 20, 2012
I don't do birthday posts anymore but today is a really special day. Right now, in two different timezones, it's the birthdays of two very special people in my life.
SJ (20th September, England time): Happy 20th, baby! Your party was amazing and I had so much fun. Hate that we are not living together anymore, but I will always come around to stone whenever. You've taught me so much about being white and British, and my plan to make you Chinese is half-accomplished. Hahaha. Thank you for always being rational when I'm not, and for sticking by me all the time. Love you!!!! xxxxx
Fad (21st September, Singapore time): Boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy birthday!! I don't even know your exact age (is it 23????) because I keep saying you're 30. Hahahaha. But anyway, I don't have to tell you how important you are to me. You were there when I was struggling in third year, you were there when I lost Jehki, you were there for every thing I needed you for. And it's weird that our boyfriends are having an underground relationship behind our backs, hahaha. You are the one friend I can be completely happy for and vice versa. You deserve the best in life, with all your passion and zest and bollywoodness. HAHA. I miss you sooooooo much, love from the UK!! <3
SJ (20th September, England time): Happy 20th, baby! Your party was amazing and I had so much fun. Hate that we are not living together anymore, but I will always come around to stone whenever. You've taught me so much about being white and British, and my plan to make you Chinese is half-accomplished. Hahaha. Thank you for always being rational when I'm not, and for sticking by me all the time. Love you!!!! xxxxx
Fad (21st September, Singapore time): Boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy birthday!! I don't even know your exact age (is it 23????) because I keep saying you're 30. Hahahaha. But anyway, I don't have to tell you how important you are to me. You were there when I was struggling in third year, you were there when I lost Jehki, you were there for every thing I needed you for. And it's weird that our boyfriends are having an underground relationship behind our backs, hahaha. You are the one friend I can be completely happy for and vice versa. You deserve the best in life, with all your passion and zest and bollywoodness. HAHA. I miss you sooooooo much, love from the UK!! <3
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
Cannot believe three months have passed and I'll be on the plane back to Canters tonight. I think it's no surprise that I want to stay at home longer - maybe for forever. Haha. It's just so difficult being away from home. You really wouldn't know how it feels, unless you've been there.
Missing home spurs really complex feelings in me - there's sadness, longing, regrets, and fear. It's basically a concoction of all the bad feelings in the world. I just haven't found the antidote for it.
I really need to stop being so low. I have been given a wonderful opportunity, a shot at fulfilling my dreams, and I need to hold on to that. A lot of people would kill to be where I'm at now. When I am finally done at Uni, I want to be able to come home proud. I want to be a step closer to who I want to become.
Thank you, all my friends who made time for me this summer. I really appreciate it and I love you guys. Please skype/text me whenever. I can't be there physically, but you have to fill me in on all the fun :) xx
// Jehki just texted me, "Don't be upset for long, monkey. I know this is hard for you but please try not to break up with me this time. I will track you down. Love you and I'll see you back in UK." Hahaha. This boy's like the rainbow after the rain.
It's difficult because I have to get used to living away from familiarity.
It's difficult because I have to watch everyone create memories without me.
It's difficult because I don't know if my dog understands I am not leaving her because I don't love her anymore.
It's difficult because I sometimes forget why I am all the way across the world, I forget what I am fighting for.
It's difficult because whenever I just want to be close to someone I love, I can only do it through the computer screen.
Missing home spurs really complex feelings in me - there's sadness, longing, regrets, and fear. It's basically a concoction of all the bad feelings in the world. I just haven't found the antidote for it.
I really need to stop being so low. I have been given a wonderful opportunity, a shot at fulfilling my dreams, and I need to hold on to that. A lot of people would kill to be where I'm at now. When I am finally done at Uni, I want to be able to come home proud. I want to be a step closer to who I want to become.
Thank you, all my friends who made time for me this summer. I really appreciate it and I love you guys. Please skype/text me whenever. I can't be there physically, but you have to fill me in on all the fun :) xx
// Jehki just texted me, "Don't be upset for long, monkey. I know this is hard for you but please try not to break up with me this time. I will track you down. Love you and I'll see you back in UK." Hahaha. This boy's like the rainbow after the rain.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Your love will be safe with me.
I have a habit of keeping every single letter/card given to me; I store them in a huge plastic box and take them out from time to time. Today was one of those 'times'. I shuffled through the box, picked out random letters and started reading them.
I found one that I wrote about four years ago; it was a letter I wrote right before I was going to meet my then-boyfriend, a letter I'd wanted to give to him after he cruelly told me through text that he had feelings for someone else. But this letter wasn't penned with the intention of reprimanding him. In it, I begged foolishly hard for him to forget the girl and take me back. It's difficult imagining myself so stupid, all in the name of love.
Anyway, this letter obviously failed to reach his hands (I can't remember why), but it brought back vivid memories from that day. I remember traveling to his house to meet him, us sitting under the block, and how I cried uncontrollably. I remember pleading him to give me another chance (CRINGE) and him keeping silent. I remember him kissing me at the end of the night, yet insisting he cannot let the other girl go. I left confused, used, and called the first person that came to mind.
Jehki.
He was always my go-to friend when it came to matters of the heart, because he was mostly cool-headed and objective. J came immediately to wherever I was and stayed with me until curfew. In those few hours, he listened to me, pat my back when I hiccuped from crying too hard, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders when I shivered from feeling so lost. And right before we parted, he said "You deserve someone better,". Those words meant nothing to me at that point in time, because my then-boyfriend was my world. But now, they ring with clarity.
I have found someone better. I found someone who will not make promises he can't keep, who will never allow me to beg for anything, who will crumble to see me shed a tear. He may not be the best in the world, but he is the best for me.
It's days like this when I fall a little harder in love with you, Jehki T :')
I found one that I wrote about four years ago; it was a letter I wrote right before I was going to meet my then-boyfriend, a letter I'd wanted to give to him after he cruelly told me through text that he had feelings for someone else. But this letter wasn't penned with the intention of reprimanding him. In it, I begged foolishly hard for him to forget the girl and take me back. It's difficult imagining myself so stupid, all in the name of love.
Anyway, this letter obviously failed to reach his hands (I can't remember why), but it brought back vivid memories from that day. I remember traveling to his house to meet him, us sitting under the block, and how I cried uncontrollably. I remember pleading him to give me another chance (CRINGE) and him keeping silent. I remember him kissing me at the end of the night, yet insisting he cannot let the other girl go. I left confused, used, and called the first person that came to mind.
Jehki.
He was always my go-to friend when it came to matters of the heart, because he was mostly cool-headed and objective. J came immediately to wherever I was and stayed with me until curfew. In those few hours, he listened to me, pat my back when I hiccuped from crying too hard, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders when I shivered from feeling so lost. And right before we parted, he said "You deserve someone better,". Those words meant nothing to me at that point in time, because my then-boyfriend was my world. But now, they ring with clarity.
I have found someone better. I found someone who will not make promises he can't keep, who will never allow me to beg for anything, who will crumble to see me shed a tear. He may not be the best in the world, but he is the best for me.
It's days like this when I fall a little harder in love with you, Jehki T :')
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wanderlust.
My flight to Hong Kong is at 6.30AM,
which means I have to be at the airport at 4.30AM,
which means I have to leave the house at 4AM,
which means I have to shower at 3AM (in two hours' time),
which means I can forget about sleeping.
And I haven't done any packing!!! *panic at the disco*
So yes, I am going to HK - Jehki's hometown!! Also, I'm meeting up with Divya and SJ on the second day, which makes things even more exciting! Divya lives there, and SJ is flying down from China after she's climbed the Great Wall. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.
Anyway, I was inspired to paint the HK city skyline on my nails for this trip! I actually love it so much, even though it looks a little rough.
Will be bringing my laptop so fingers crossed for there to be wifi, so that I can blog! Otherwise, you can follow my instagram @hawtvintage :)
which means I have to be at the airport at 4.30AM,
which means I have to leave the house at 4AM,
which means I have to shower at 3AM (in two hours' time),
which means I can forget about sleeping.
And I haven't done any packing!!! *panic at the disco*
So yes, I am going to HK - Jehki's hometown!! Also, I'm meeting up with Divya and SJ on the second day, which makes things even more exciting! Divya lives there, and SJ is flying down from China after she's climbed the Great Wall. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.
Anyway, I was inspired to paint the HK city skyline on my nails for this trip! I actually love it so much, even though it looks a little rough.
Will be bringing my laptop so fingers crossed for there to be wifi, so that I can blog! Otherwise, you can follow my instagram @hawtvintage :)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Venue.
So I found some unpublished pictures and since I don't look too horrid in them, they are safe to post!
Mike's birthday (Geek-themed!)
Ripped from Facebook, that's our take on Geek.
Don't have a decent caption for this except...I must have been really drunk. Hahaha.
Pre-drinks and Venue
This was another night out with Kemsdale and Eliot people.
Pre-drinking at Eliottttt. (L to R: Sean, Maddy, Mike, Divya)
With Maddy and Liam. Love how cute Maddy looks in this :)
That's it. Sorting out my pictures now and it's a torturrrrre :(
Mike's birthday (Geek-themed!)
Pre-drinks and Venue
This was another night out with Kemsdale and Eliot people.
That's it. Sorting out my pictures now and it's a torturrrrre :(
Monday, August 27, 2012
The brokenhearted and the crushed.
Brought a non-believer to church yesterday, and she was in tears when we read a passage:
God is amazing and I am touched by how He can reach out to her in such simple words, at a time when she needed it the most. And what's more incredible is that about a year ago, I was saved by the same exact passage.
She has no plans to become a Christian, and I wouldn't expect so. It's just great witnessing His grace pouring out on the people I know and love :')
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
(Psalm 34:18)
God is amazing and I am touched by how He can reach out to her in such simple words, at a time when she needed it the most. And what's more incredible is that about a year ago, I was saved by the same exact passage.
She has no plans to become a Christian, and I wouldn't expect so. It's just great witnessing His grace pouring out on the people I know and love :')
Catching up + Polaroid frame stickers.
Anyway, I bought polaroid frame stickers on Gmarket and they are so cute!!!!
They completely transformed my boring polaroids and compared to patterned films, these are so much cheaper (~SGD2.50 for 10 to 20 pieces). Love love love!
Here is where I got mine: http://list.qoo10.sg/gmkt.inc/Goods/Goods.aspx?goodscode=406346280
xx
Friday, August 24, 2012
FTS.
Accompanied my friend to the mortuary this morning and it was everything you would expect it to be - morbid. After settling all the final procedures, we made our way out and just when we were about to leave, a group of reporters started honing in on her like hungry vultures. She was weeping uncontrollably but noooooo, leeching a story for their tabloid was much more important (that was sarcasm, btw). So I turned around, blocked the reporters' way and screamed at them. One of the male reporters dared to smirk at me, and it just about took all of my self-control not to smack his head right back to his mother's womb so that he can learn his manners all over again.
Someone told me, "They are just doing their job." Honestly, that is probably the worst reason anyone can pull out from their ass. These reporters were not coerced into this line of work; they had a choice whether or not to exercise some humanity, and they chose not to. Worst still, they were about my age. Maybe even younger. I cannot even offer a shred of understanding for the way they executed their work.
And if you tell me, "They just want to report the truth to the public", I will flash you my precious finger. I have seen and read enough bullshit from leeching media-whores to know that they care about juice, readership, and money, more than the truth. Legitimate truth-chasing reporters will not have done things the way they did.
It infuriates me so much, because while I was trying my best to help a friend, they were trying their best to do the exact opposite. They were inflicting pain with every insensitive question and I just cannot forgive that.
It's been a long day and I just want to sleep for a week now. (Sorry for all the wordy posts lately)
Someone told me, "They are just doing their job." Honestly, that is probably the worst reason anyone can pull out from their ass. These reporters were not coerced into this line of work; they had a choice whether or not to exercise some humanity, and they chose not to. Worst still, they were about my age. Maybe even younger. I cannot even offer a shred of understanding for the way they executed their work.
And if you tell me, "They just want to report the truth to the public", I will flash you my precious finger. I have seen and read enough bullshit from leeching media-whores to know that they care about juice, readership, and money, more than the truth. Legitimate truth-chasing reporters will not have done things the way they did.
It infuriates me so much, because while I was trying my best to help a friend, they were trying their best to do the exact opposite. They were inflicting pain with every insensitive question and I just cannot forgive that.
It's been a long day and I just want to sleep for a week now. (Sorry for all the wordy posts lately)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Even the sun sets in paradise.
Came home with a heavy heart today.
I left for work in the morning feeling extremely excited but when I arrived, one of the volunteers was sobbing in a way that would tear you up. She lost someone - family, almost - to suicide.
When I had a minute with her, I spoke to her. I spoke from what I went through when Ethel committed suicide, and when Gerald passed away from a car accident. I told her what she should expect to feel, what she can do to slowly walk out of this grief, and most importantly, that it will get better. I also listened, fighting back my own tears while she relived her last moments with him, her misplaced guilt, and the endless "what ifs".
It ached. I never expected it but I ached from the sheer need to help, and the inability to rid her of all that despair and remorse. I know I have tried my best and I know she will need plenty of time to get over such a sudden loss, but I cannot help feeling frustrated for not being able to do more.
Suicide is so selfish, I cannot stress this enough. It's something I have considered more than once in my life, and now I feel ashamed for it. The deceased have it easy; when they die, they die. In an instant, they are free from their problems and any emotions, but what about the people they leave behind? Do they realize how unbearable it is to have to pick up the pieces? People who commit suicide rob the living of a chance at closure, at peace, and at happiness. Instead, they instill excruciating pain that runs deep in the chest; somewhere you can't reach or heal. I hope none of you are silly enough to do something like this.
Today, I grew up a little.
I left for work in the morning feeling extremely excited but when I arrived, one of the volunteers was sobbing in a way that would tear you up. She lost someone - family, almost - to suicide.
When I had a minute with her, I spoke to her. I spoke from what I went through when Ethel committed suicide, and when Gerald passed away from a car accident. I told her what she should expect to feel, what she can do to slowly walk out of this grief, and most importantly, that it will get better. I also listened, fighting back my own tears while she relived her last moments with him, her misplaced guilt, and the endless "what ifs".
It ached. I never expected it but I ached from the sheer need to help, and the inability to rid her of all that despair and remorse. I know I have tried my best and I know she will need plenty of time to get over such a sudden loss, but I cannot help feeling frustrated for not being able to do more.
Suicide is so selfish, I cannot stress this enough. It's something I have considered more than once in my life, and now I feel ashamed for it. The deceased have it easy; when they die, they die. In an instant, they are free from their problems and any emotions, but what about the people they leave behind? Do they realize how unbearable it is to have to pick up the pieces? People who commit suicide rob the living of a chance at closure, at peace, and at happiness. Instead, they instill excruciating pain that runs deep in the chest; somewhere you can't reach or heal. I hope none of you are silly enough to do something like this.
Today, I grew up a little.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Relationhardships.
There are a few friends I check up on from time to time; I keep myself updated of their life and try to talk to them as often as I can. Sometimes, it worries me how they can be so happy with their partners in one week, and take a 360-degree turn to become bottom-of-the-mood-chain in the next. It doesn't make sense at all, and it's always over petty stuff that seem to mean the world to them. That's taking bipolar to a whole new level.
A relationship is more than tantrums, being calculative, manipulation, and revenge. It's not "since you hurt me, I will do more shit to hurt you back". That's not how things work, because when you hurt the person you love, the recoil will hit you back in your face and cause twice the pain. And when you do something for someone, you don't compare it to how much you receive in return. You can't say, "I have done this and this and this for you, but you haven't done nearly as much for me," because how tedious it must be, to constantly measure how much effort to put into something so that you are not shortchanged.
I am not a good girlfriend to J; I don't prepare lunchboxes for him, I don't surprise him with random little gifts, and I always forget to check up on him when I get busy. But at least I don't demean his value in my life by manipulating him. If I feel a certain way, I tell him straight out and we work it out together. That's how relationships work, isn't it? It's reciprocal, it's two-sided, and every emotion is reflected in each other.
If it's becoming torturous for you to stay in your relationship, then just walk away and find a better one. Otherwise, stop whining and work through it, because the problem isn't going to resolve itself.
A relationship is more than tantrums, being calculative, manipulation, and revenge. It's not "since you hurt me, I will do more shit to hurt you back". That's not how things work, because when you hurt the person you love, the recoil will hit you back in your face and cause twice the pain. And when you do something for someone, you don't compare it to how much you receive in return. You can't say, "I have done this and this and this for you, but you haven't done nearly as much for me," because how tedious it must be, to constantly measure how much effort to put into something so that you are not shortchanged.
I am not a good girlfriend to J; I don't prepare lunchboxes for him, I don't surprise him with random little gifts, and I always forget to check up on him when I get busy. But at least I don't demean his value in my life by manipulating him. If I feel a certain way, I tell him straight out and we work it out together. That's how relationships work, isn't it? It's reciprocal, it's two-sided, and every emotion is reflected in each other.
If it's becoming torturous for you to stay in your relationship, then just walk away and find a better one. Otherwise, stop whining and work through it, because the problem isn't going to resolve itself.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Old friends in polaroids.
Just got home from a late dinner with Bea and Evan!
Used up one of my cheat meals for this, but soooo worth it. Steamboat is my lifexzxz.
Exclusively for all the girls crushing on Evan.
My first letter from Evan!!!!!! Think I might have to frame it up. Thank you, bitchface. I'm so touched :') Haha.
Haven't seen them in so long but I'm glad that we still can talk like we used to. Granted, Evan's a big pervert now but...*shrugs* Hahaha. These two people made up the most of my poly life and brought all the fun to it :'D
// And on a separate note, I need to stop going to Haji Lane!!! I've been helping out at J's for the last few days and I always end up spending money :(
In two days, I got two new clutches. FML.
From Green Poppies. It's so easy to match! Wish it had a longer width though.
This is from J's shop. Looooooooove how sleek it looks! And the quality is more than I can expect from faux leather (Y) I'm considering keeping it in other colors as well. Ok, I didn't have to pay for this but stilllllll..
I'm a clutch maniac now. SJ made a really accurate judgment of how I get into obsessive phases over things for a period of time. I just go crazy and can't stop buying them. First it was accessories, then nail polish, grapes, whatever in between, and now it's clutches. In a short span of one month, I got five new clutches. I NEED HELP.
P/s: Anon S, see how often I'm blogging now? Are you proud of me? Hahaha.
Haven't seen them in so long but I'm glad that we still can talk like we used to. Granted, Evan's a big pervert now but...*shrugs* Hahaha. These two people made up the most of my poly life and brought all the fun to it :'D
// And on a separate note, I need to stop going to Haji Lane!!! I've been helping out at J's for the last few days and I always end up spending money :(
In two days, I got two new clutches. FML.
I'm a clutch maniac now. SJ made a really accurate judgment of how I get into obsessive phases over things for a period of time. I just go crazy and can't stop buying them. First it was accessories, then nail polish, grapes, whatever in between, and now it's clutches. In a short span of one month, I got five new clutches. I NEED HELP.
P/s: Anon S, see how often I'm blogging now? Are you proud of me? Hahaha.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Detox (of blackheads, insecurities, and impurities).
I've abstained from foundation for about three weeks now, the longest I've gone without it since I started putting on make-up. You'll be amazed by how much time I save everyday. All I do is moisturize as per usual, draw a stroke of eyeliner, and I'm ready to leave the house! Completely skipped the concealer and foundation steps (Y)
Coupled with my two-masks-a-week routine, my skin condition has improved sooooo much! Beauty Buffet has the best facial scrub ever; clears out all the impurities (blackheads, whiteheads, make-up residue, etc) in my pores and the results are visible.
Anyway, I didn't give up on foundation to save my complexion (that was a bonus!). I did it because I wanted to stop relying on it so much, because I wanted to be able to feel secure without a veil. It's liberating, really, when you realize you don't need make-up to face the world. And when people tell me they don't see a difference (pre- and post-makeup), it makes me happy like a bouncy chicken. The next time I brush on some foundation, it will be a choice rather than a necessity :)
Also, I'm starting another phase of detox soon - GOING VEGETARIAN (with two cheat days a week)!!! This is some serious shit, especially for a meat-lover like me (Divya can vouch for the countless number of times she's tried to force-feed me vegetables, hahaha). After the gout incident (which has healed, thankfully), I've been slapped with a harsh reality check that I need to take better care of my body. You are what you eat, right? So I've decided I want to be a cucumber!! Fingers crossed that I can survive this veggiepocalypse. Please share any nice vegetarian dishes you know (salad is fine too)! :)
//I haven't been blogging with pictures much after I bought that darn iPhone and got hooked on Instagram. All my photos go up there now, so if you want a daily pictorial update, you can follow me on Instagram @hawtvintage :) The row of pictures you see right above my blog posts is a feed from my instagram!
Anyway, I didn't give up on foundation to save my complexion (that was a bonus!). I did it because I wanted to stop relying on it so much, because I wanted to be able to feel secure without a veil. It's liberating, really, when you realize you don't need make-up to face the world. And when people tell me they don't see a difference (pre- and post-makeup), it makes me happy like a bouncy chicken. The next time I brush on some foundation, it will be a choice rather than a necessity :)
Also, I'm starting another phase of detox soon - GOING VEGETARIAN (with two cheat days a week)!!! This is some serious shit, especially for a meat-lover like me (Divya can vouch for the countless number of times she's tried to force-feed me vegetables, hahaha). After the gout incident (which has healed, thankfully), I've been slapped with a harsh reality check that I need to take better care of my body. You are what you eat, right? So I've decided I want to be a cucumber!! Fingers crossed that I can survive this veggiepocalypse. Please share any nice vegetarian dishes you know (salad is fine too)! :)
//I haven't been blogging with pictures much after I bought that darn iPhone and got hooked on Instagram. All my photos go up there now, so if you want a daily pictorial update, you can follow me on Instagram @hawtvintage :) The row of pictures you see right above my blog posts is a feed from my instagram!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Asim-day.
Am finally blogging about Asim's birthday, which happened in March 2012. Almost half a year ago, hahaha. So amused by my own laziness. So anyway, it was a night of booze, drunkies, and lots of love for the man! Enjoy the picture spam :)
Explanation: Photographer was really drunk.
I can be such a boy sometimes and I'm really glad Asim was just across the corridor when I needed to unleash some of that ungirlishness. Sometimes I want to rip his hair out (and I do), but most of the time, I love him to death. He's my brown brother. Hahahaha. To all the over-the-top pranks, babe station, never ending door knocks, late nights, chicken nuggets and banter xxxxxxxxxx
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