30th June 2014.

I miss you. I miss you at different points of the day; usually because something actively reminds me of you, and occasionally because thoughts of you just creep into my head. Though lately, it seems like everything reminds me of you. That's the problem when someone is integrated in almost every part of your life. When they're gone, you are left with feeling like chunks of you have been ripped out.

I miss you so much. Sometimes, I stare at your phone number blankly, as if you would magically call me at the same moment, as if I will get to hear your voice again. Sometimes, when something happens to me - good or bad - I anticipate how I will tell you the story when I get home in the evening. Until I remember you won't be there to listen to it anymore. Sometimes, I still smile from remembering small and silly traditions we used to have.

"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained."

I wish I got to say goodbye properly. But if I could wish for anything, I would wish for you to still be here. I don't know how to mourn for the loss of you. Don't know if I still have the right to grieve over you, or if I should be forgetting about you. I say that as if I have a choice. Someone told me today that death leaves a heartache that no one can heal, and it's true. No one can fill this gaping hole that you've left, no one can come even remotely close to the role you played in my life. But love leaves a memory that no one can steal too.

I loved you. I love you. I have that, and all the memories you created with me. I have that, and the knowledge that someone as amazing as you once loved me too. I pray that you are with God now, where there is no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. I pray that there truly is life after life, because I need to know that I will be able to see you again.

I miss you.