I spent the entire day with friends today and I'm home now feeling fulfilled from the htht we had, and yet completely spent from the things I found out. Being in the UK has made me so detached and oblivious to the tension that has been brewing in one of my friendship groups. Today made me think about myself as a friend and as an individual.
Ever since I left Singapore, one of the biggest alterations I have made to my life is the friends that I keep. Right now, I can confidently say that the people I surround myself with are those I would label as my "close friends" and those I am willing to sacrifice a lot for. I can't say the same before 2010 because then, I had a misconstrued idea of what friendship meant. It's easy to form friendships but hard work comes when you have to maintain these friendships. It takes more than the occasional meet-up or a courtesy text. A friendship worth keeping is one that has honest communication and the relinquishing of ego.
Honest communication- A lot of what is going on right now has gotten so much worse over time because people just REFUSE to be honest with one another. Every time anyone comes to me with a problem that involves another person, the first thing I suggest is for them to talk about it and fix it together. Every time. It's the same with families, couples, and friends. Sometimes, I get the same response, "But I am not the confrontational type". IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING CONFRONTATIONAL. There is no need to be aggressive or to turn it into a war. Communicating your insecurities and anger is the best way to clear any misunderstandings, to remove the possibility of wrong assumptions, and to show that you are still making an effort. More importantly, it gives the other party a chance to change and make amends. I cannot accept people who claim to treasure a relationship yet refuse to be honest about their feelings. In my book, it's the same as declaring an intention to give up. A relationship simply cannot function without honest communication. Problems don't just disappear and you don't just stop feeling lousy because you "gave it time".
Ego- This is more so for people who are on the receiving end of an "honest communication". Some people, like myself, have so much ego that they can have it for dinner. Whenever I hear something negative about my behavior or my personality, my very first reaction is to be defensive and swat away these accusations. But being so prideful will only put up a wall that blocks all attempts of raw honesty. After years and years of practice, I've learnt to put my ego aside. Today when I found out that a friend was hurt by what I did, the first thing I said to her was an apology. It was never my intention to hurt her but I did anyway, so I accepted my fault and apologized before anything else. It took a lot out of me to not defend myself but it was the right thing to do.
I am writing this post for so many reasons. To remind myself not be an assholic friend, to remind YOU what you already know but don't practice (don't think I don't know), and I guess a small part of me wishes my friends would read this and understand where I am coming from. I spent three hours texting people individually tonight, hoping to create a platform for reconciliation, but I think emotions are peaking right now and little of what I am saying is getting through to them. I'm genuinely afraid I cannot fix things before I leave Singapore.
But come what may, this post is my honest communication.
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