Runner.

I run now. I'm a runner. I no longer stand my ground, no longer stay and fight.

x said, 
"Maybe it's just not worth fighting for?"

And that's frightening, because does that mean I have nothing and nobody worthy in my life anymore?

Past month has been rough. I was constantly struggling with my health, whilst trying to juggle my studies as well as personal relationships. I still am. Don't think I've felt so tired in a long time.

Health- My body has dealt me some serious crap. Two weeks ago, every moment I was conscious was threatened by the fact that I might just pass out on the streets. And every night/morning I go to sleep, J was afraid I wouldn't wake up. I saw doctor after doctor, and no one could help me, until I had no choice but to fly back home. I was scared and exhausted, but had to play it down because people like my mum would freak the hell out. And probably Divya too, haha. I've since been diagnosed, am put on a course of treatment, and will have to make some adjustments to my life. Still scared out of my wits but fingers crossed for the best.

Studies- Same ol', same ol'. Essays. Revision. Exams. I just need to plow through second year and I hear third year will be better.

Friendships- People play you out on plans that were long set. People turn against you like coyotes aiming for your throat. People take advantage of what you give them and just take and take. And these are my closest friends, dishing me one disappointment after another. Fair enough, they apologize after, but it just gets so taxing when you are dealing with so much altogether.



// Despite everything and everyone, J was always my pillar. While everything was in a whirl and a mess, he tried his best to be constant and unchanging. And I really appreciate it :') I never have to weigh the truth in his words, because he's pure and kind and strong, and just...good. Did I mention...HE WENT TO A GYNECOLOGIST ALONE FOR ME!? He basically stepped into a clinic full of pregnant ladies and asked for an appointment to see the doctor so that he can get medication for me. And on the day of my flight back, he surprised me at the airport because he didn't want me to fly back alone. This boy is just amazing T_T

But anyway, like I said, I'm a runner now. I usually enjoy a good fight but I think all these have taken a toll on me. A friend attacked me via whatsapp the other day and I just quit the conversation even though I had truckloads to say. And instead of growing some balls to tell my friends what I have been going through, I just pulled myself away from any means that they could contact me. Back at home for a while now, and I still haven't mustered the courage to meet anybody. Please call me Wimp Li.

xx