Today was so amazing. I walked out of my flat in the morning and J was right there. He took a train ride down from London to Canterbury (where I am), and the first thing he said to me was, "I didn't come here to try and fix things, I came here to get you back and I will." That was the first time we have spoken since a week ago; no calls, no skyping, so texts. In that instant, I took a double take, and maybe my heart stopped too. I suddenly remembered why I loved and love him so much. It's the things he do, and the kind of person he is. With J, I never need to worry if he loves me as much as I love him, because it's reflected in every single gesture he makes. I remembered how secure he made me feel.
We spoke, we cried, we laughed, and things are back to normal now. I did some horrible things in that week of absence, but it's all behind us now. I'm just so ashamed that I stopped trying to make things work, that I neglected all the promises I made, and that I put myself above him when all he ever does is think of me. "We all learn from our mistakes," he said, and I hope I do learn after this. I spoke to Fad about this yesterday and she's right, if I don't fight for someone as amazing as J, that would be the stupidest decision of my life.
No more promises this time, babe. Just sheer effort and love.
P/s: For every friend (and anonymous on formspring) who bothered to check up on me, I really appreciate it. Every single message cheered me up enormously, and I couldn't be more grateful :3
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