First prayer.

Today, J and I prayed together as a couple for the very first time and it was...strange. I was basically a walking oxymoron. It feels a lot like falling in love with a person; having to struggle with letting someone else into your heart, being extremely vulnerable because one wrong move could break you completely yet feeling undeniably comforted that someone is there to share your world.

I have never prayed aloud before - not even with my bible study group - because prayer to me, is something very personal and something I am only willing to share with God. I feel like if I pray aloud, I would focus more on "packaging" it to sound better for the sake of the people listening rather than on what I want to say to God. J, on the other hand, has always wanted to pray together and I finally agreed because my sister did the same with her fiance and it seemed to have helped them grow as a couple.

He went first, praying for both our families, our friends from Singapore and the UK (particularly the one girl who had meningitis, you know who you are), and finally, for each other. I did the same next, lingering slightly longer for his grieving family, my brother in Melbourne, and my freshly engaged sister. At some point, both of us started tearing up but we just carried on.

This plea to God, this togetherness, was much needed after everything we've been through this summer. It was hard for me, it was hard for him, but we were never far from each others' sides. We grew as individuals, as a daughter, as a son, and we grew as a couple.

I say it felt strange because while I was pouring my heart out to God, I was doing the same to him. I drew down the very last shield that was meant to protect me and truly let him in into the dustiest corners of my mixed-up soul. I felt naked. When he was praying, I got to see sides of him that I hadn't before - like the kind, broken boy who hid behind the solemn, proud man. And I wonder, what he saw in my prayer.