An angel gained her wings.

This has been a very, very tough week. J's grandma passed away and it has taken so much from his family, especially him. Ever since I met J almost a decade ago, he's told me that Grandma is the one person he loves the most. He is extremely close to her, even more so than he is with his parents because she raised him up when his parents were traveling around the world.

Honestly, I have never seen J so upset or seen him cry as much and as hard as he has been for the past few days. It breaks my heart so much, but I know crying is the only way he can mourn. When I first heard the news, I found myself comforting him in the same way that I would with the people who ask for my advice on Tumblr. It was disturbing. Suddenly, I stopped being his girlfriend and I felt like his grief formed a barrier between us. I didn't know how to break it down and I dare not try too hard. Eventually, we stopped talking to each other because he knows I don't need words to understand how he feels and because I know I have nothing to offer that will make him feel better.

Today, after delivering his eulogy at the memorial service, he came to me in tears and whispered "Please help me". Suddenly, the wall of grief disintegrated and I was invited into his world again. I cried along with him and we just stood there hugging for the longest time. For as long as I've known J, he's never once asked for help from anyone. Not when his company was struggling, not when he was hospitalized for his weak heart, not ever. His plea brought about the most excruciating heartache I have had to experience and I really wish I could just take away all his pain. I wish I could protect him like how he has always protected me. But his plea also came as a relief for me, because it could only mean that he was finally ready to let go.




//Wounds from death and loss almost always leave behind the ugliest scars, but they also almost always heal. I made a promise to him that as long as he's healing, I will always be there regardless of where we might be in our relationship. Somehow this promise still doesn't seem enough, but it will do for now.