We never fight past the 24-hour limit. We always either apologize, or we agree to disagree. This time's different; neither of us are backing down and I can't fault that because I get where you're coming from. I just hate fighting, especially with you, that's all.
I can talk to the whole world about Holly, but I can't do that with you. I wish you could understand why. It's too personal that way, too intimate in a very dangerous way. It's like how I can talk to anyone about my parents' divorce, but my parents. It unearths so many things that I don't even want to go near. I'm too proud to admit that I used to be so scared, and very much in despair. I realize that these feelings were based on nothing but someone's attempt to sabotage our relationship, but these same feelings don't just go away. They don't just disappear because I still remember feeling that way and I know now that you are capable of making me feel like that again if you wanted to. This leaves you with so much power over me, and I'm not sure if I am okay with that.
I'm glad neither of us resorted to cold wars, by the way. No shouting too (insert smiley face). You still text me every day, even when I was in BKK, and this gesture still warms my heart indefinitely. But this fight...it's like the elephant in the room and I don't know how to get rid of it.
Two more days before you get back. Maybe we'll talk then.
P.s. Wish you were awake now. Hate the stupid time difference. Love you.
1 comment:
But you have the same amount of power over me. I am equally vulnerable.
Awake now. I love you too.
Jehki x
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