Was reading back on all my blog entries about J (self-destruction, I know) and found that I wrote this:
"I started loving him as a friend, so a part of me will always love him that way no matter what happens."
(entry)
I wrote it last year in sheer joy, surrounded by an immense amount of love for and from him. Now, I am reading it, still believing in it, but I'm hit with feelings of loss. It is so strange how one sentence - almost a written promise - can be seen in such different lights in different situations.
It's still true though. I will always love you as a friend. This happened, but I will still be fiercely loyal to you, I will still be happy for your accomplishments, and I will still fret over you like a hawk. But I'm just going to come on out and say it...
I miss being in love with you.
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