Progress?

I think it's a phase? It's part of the process where you start to imagine everyone around you dead. Not all at once, but one at a time. You start to imagine how they would go, and you wonder how you would feel then. That's when all the heartaches begin again and they come in huge unstoppable blows. You pray and beg in your heart for them to just stop, but they won't. Because it's all in your head and you're letting yourself do that to you.

Don't judge me ok? I know people are doing that. I know they are wondering why I'm taking so long to recover, to stop mourning. But you know what? You never truly stop this grieving. It stays in you forever. It can make or break you. Everybody knows "What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger", and I believe it. But it worries me that no one has ever guaranteed this won't kill me. So, I can take your pity, your advice, your indifference, but don't judge me.