you should move on and stop indulging in misery. it is selfish not selfless.

I don't know what "indulging" means to you, but to me, it means I let myself do something and enjoy it on some level. Like indulging in a piece of chocolate cake where I know I will get fat but still I continue because it's too damn good. So let me assure you that what I am going through now is not an indulgence. I appreciate people's attempts at cheering me up and their kind messages, but I do not enjoy it.

None of this is selfless, because this is not about me sacrificing or doing something for somebody else. This is me coping, for myself. I don't know where you get the idea that I think this is selfless, but it has never crossed my mind and I never intended to imply it.

And you don't get to call me selfish. Nobody gets to...not even the people who have been through what I am going through, and especially not the people who have no idea what it means to be me right now. I reply all the texts I get, I smile to whoever I see, I get my ass off my bed to shower and eat (because my mum would freak out to see a stinking blob of mass when she gets home), I fix my hair, my clothes and I try to get out of the house. All I want is to switch off my phone, lay in bed all day and just rot away, but I buck up anyway. I don't do it because life goes on. I do it for the people who love me. I still don't deserve a nobel prize, but don't come telling me I am selfish. Just because I don't blog about things like these doesn't mean they don't happen. If you'd bothered to talk to me in person, you'd know.

How or when I move on is not decided by you just because you are sick of my whining or - what you deem as - self-pity. THAT is selfish. I blog about how I feel because I don't talk to anyone about it. This is literally my only place to vent. And because I don't want to close out the people in my life completely, I leave this one platform to let them into my heart if they cared enough.

I appreciate it if your intention was to get me to snap out of it, but you have to understand that this is not a stupid relationship break-up or a crisis in my studies where I get to just pick myself up and 'move on'. It's not as easy. I don't expect you or anybody to understand, but don't expect me to conform to your expectations on how I should live my life too.

P/s: I started out this reply with no intention to offend you, but sorry if I do anyway.

Ask/Tell me anything (: