Hawtvintage.

They said I would regret signing up for the buddies program, because when something marks the end of the program, it would be heartbreaking for me. I signed up anyway, because I didn't know what 'the end' meant.

No, it doesn't matter what they said. But why was I more occupied with lousy friends and old flames and partying, when there was something more important to attend to?

Someone more important.

When I go against my principles, I am letting myself down.
When I fail an exam, I am letting my parents down.
When I cheat, I am letting my boyfriend down.
When I wasn't there today, I am letting the whole world down.

I did a terrible terrible thing, and no one should forgive me for it. I am 18, but am I still a kid? If not, why do I act like one? I always judge people on how they prioritize, but I made my worse judgment today. I couldn't prioritize. And while so many other things allow you to make amends, this one won't.

Edgar Lee Ze Xi passed away today.

The management is willing to assign another buddy to me. They say I made an important impression in his life and created a positive impact, but they didn't know I didn't do what I was supposed to do.

His memorial service is this week. It's very soon, but if you knew him, you'd know why. His mother has graciously invited me to give a eulogy. They all think I am so perfect and giving for being with him through the tough times. The management, Ze Xi's parents and sister, my colleagues. What would they think of me when they know I wasn't with him when his lights went out?

Haven't told anyone about this. I spent my whole life judging people. I am avoiding retribution. What goes around, comes around.

Thank God for a painless departure.
No thanks to God for taking him away.


P/s: If you have nothing kind to say, please refrain from attending the funeral.