I feel like a walking hypocrisy. There are so many things that I want to say, but the fact that I can't, turn them all into lies. I'm lying to the world. I'm lying about how I feel, and I'm lying about what I know. The way I act like nothing has changed, is so disgusting and filthily wrong. There are moments in the day where I just want to say "Fuck it, who am I protecting?" because I have never felt so hurt and voiceless in my life.
Two days ago, the facade caught up with me and turned into a whole pot of angst. A group of teenagers in the bus were laughing like hyenas, and I turned around to take a verbal punch at them with "Can you shut the fuck up?". It was mean and uncalled for, but I felt a little lift of victory when they apologized and went completely silent. I wouldn't know how to react if they had challenged me instead..
Sigh, shopping, nail-painting, and God, are the only things that are keeping me in check now.
Old french nails, which I painted 4 days ago. Changing them now!
New ring, which is so humongous that I love it to death.
New blings for my ear. The owl craze is really getting to me because when I saw them, I gave an embarrassing little scream and everybody turned to look at me >:|
New ring. Tumblr instilled the metal-rings-craze into my damaged little brain (Y)
P/s: HOW LONG HAVE I NOT UPDATED MY BLOG?! I'm spending way too much time on Tumblr & Formspring (5000+ questions, whaaaaaaaat?)
P/s/s: I SPENT 4 WHOLE HOURS TALKING TO EVAN TANG ON THE PHONE TODAY AND IT FELT LIKE 30 MINUTES TO US. This was after we had just seen each other in school ok. Hahaha, I swear we have the most things to talk about. No judgment buddies \m/
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